‘You’re bad parent’: Pooja Bedi told her mother as she had no curfew, could wear whatever she wanted

She explained that her parents never forced her into a particular profession or lifestyle. Instead, they prioritised personal happiness and self-discovery.

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“Our path was never determined by professional trajectories. Our path was always determined by the happiness quotient and it was always about what made us happy and my mother used to say, ‘Darling, I have put you on this planet because I wanted to be a parent. For my selfish reasons you are now here I owe you. I owe you a home, roof over your head. I owe you food right so that your stomach is full. I owe you great education so that you can empower yourself. I owe you experiences so you know what to pick from so you’ll always have that. You want your luxuries you go and earn it right and the whole thing was you want to be a beach bum, you want to be a hippie, you want to be an engineer, you want to be an astronaut, whatever it is you want to be in your life you choose your path. Your basics are covered because I put you here’.”

She added, “Whatever your interests take you forward into, whatever you want to earn for yourself materially please go ahead and find your path.”

Why Pooja Bedi became a stricter parent

Interestingly, Pooja admitted that while she deeply values the independence she was given, her own parenting style turned out to be very different from her mother’s.

“I’m a very strict parent. I think every generation skipped two generations and then that ruling mother came back.”

According to Pooja, children often either rebel against their upbringing or absorb lessons from it. In her case, she says she reacted against the extreme freedom she experienced growing up.

“I think many parts of me rejected the incredible freedom I was given because I remember when I was a child I went to my mother and I said, ‘You know mama, you know you’re a really bad parent. You never tell me what to wear’.”

Pooja recalled questioning her mother about the lack of rules in her life — from clothing choices to curfew timings.
“I wear tiniest of skirts. You don’t say wear longer things. I go out and I do not think who I’m going out with. You don’t you know, don’t ask me what time I’m coming back. I don’t have no curfew. I have no curfew timing. You don’t tell me what to eat.”

‘Aren’t you intelligent enough to decide for yourself?’

Pooja said her mother’s response stayed with her for life. Instead of imposing restrictions, Protima believed in trusting her daughter’s judgement completely.

“So she looked at me and says, ‘You want me to ask you all of that? You want a curfew?’ She said, ‘Aren’t you intelligent enough to decide all these things for yourself? Don’t you think I would like to believe that I brought you up with a great level of understanding that you know for yourself what is right, what is wrong, where to draw the line, how much to drink, who to go out with, who not to go out with, what time you should be home because you have a day tomorrow. These are very intelligent independent decisions I would like to believe I brought you up to be. So I didn’t have an answer for that.”

What her mother taught about parenting

Earlier, in a conversation with SCREEN, Pooja Bedi had spoken about the biggest lesson her mother taught her about parenting.

“What my mother taught us is that to be a parent means to empower your child to live their life without dependence. She had zero expectations and wanted us to be completely self-sufficient and independent. Her whole focus was, ‘tomorrow, if I’m not there, my children shouldn’t be lost’. She wanted us to be strong, self-reliant and empowered to live life completely on their own terms.”

Protima Bedi passed away in 1998 during a pilgrimage to Kailash Mansarovar during a landslide.